6 Ways To Stop Feeling Insecure In Your Relationship

I’ve always wanted to write a piece on insecurity but something was stopping me: my own fears. I used to be a very insecure person in the past, because I was too insecure to ever imagine being happy with someone or to amount to anything in front of others. I had a lot of issues in the past that I drove through and they still haunt me sometimes. But now, I think it’s time I finally write on insecurities; this is going to be very personal. Insecurities work like cancer, they can slowly destroy you from the inside and in lieu of those insecurities, you destroy every meaningful relationship you have in your life.This article is going to be solely about insecurities in relationships, this is going to be about the fear, the sorrow, the feelings people feel when they’re insecure and how to deal with those insecurities. Let’s begin.

6. Perfect relationships don’t exist

Welcome to the real world, where nobody is perfect and the consequences of the choices you make are very real. Don’t let yourself be brainwashed by what you see in the movies, there is no such thing as a “perfect relationship” in this world no matter how much two people love each other. Don’t blame yourself or the person you’re with if the relationship you’re in is the relationship you’ve fantasized about and then be insecure about it and let your mind play tricks on you. We are all human, we are bound to make mistakes and our imperfections are what make us beautiful.

5. Don’t be a mind reader

Silence is beautiful, don’t be scared of it. “Silence is golden”. Sometimes, people take the silence of their partners as a trigger to something negative. Thoughts start coming in their heads; thoughts like “What are they thinking?”, “Is it something I said?”, “Are they trying to hide something?” or my personal favorite “Are they cheating on me?”. Your mind will go as deep into the negatives as you let it, don’t let it. Don’t try to read your partner’s mind and respect their privacy, no matter how close you are to your partner. Don’t let insecurities play a part in this, once you let your mind wander through the field of the negatives, you’ll never come back. Give them space. These sort of situations arise when there is a gap in communication, as I’ve said a thousand times before that communication should be very strong in every relationship. Say what your heart wants you to say and don’t let insecurities come in between.

4. Don’t base anything on the past

People develop insecurities from past experiences. Talking about myself here, I was too afraid to trust anyone after my last relationship. I was too insecure about myself to let anyone love me or to let myself fall in love with someone. I just didn't believe that a 'happy ever after' was meant for me. It was because of how many times I was cheated on in the past. But it was unfair to anyone new in my life that I base everything on my past. I’m rejecting their care, their love, their trust, their affection based on something someone did to me years ago. I knew it was wrong, so I dealt with it. I learned to not be insecure about myself and I let myself free. If you stay in the past, you’ll never live your life; you’ll just ponder over what could have been and what should have been. Remove the “have beens” from your life and live today!

3. Stop creating issues

I used to be this person (honestly, I think I still am, but I'm a work in progress): the person who used to make new issues out of nothing, I used to find problems that didn’t even exist. I was a very pessimistic and negative person. I used to be one of those people who think something bad is going to happen, even if life is as good as it can be. Stop doing that to yourself. If nothing’s wrong, it actually means nothing’s wrong! We start creating small problems out of thin air and they slowly develop into major arguments and fights and nobody knows what started them. Be naturally happy; it’s not going to be easy but just enjoy life, enjoy the time you spend with your partner and don’t let any sort of negativity come into your mind even for a second.

2. Hearsay

Don’t let society make you insecure about your relationship. People love to talk, people love to judge, people have more than enough free time in their hands to just sit and talk about others and not in a good way, that’s what people do and that’s something that shouldn’t affect you in the slightest. Don’t be someone who lets hearsay affect their relationship (I honestly still wonder how celebrities cope with this). In one ear and out the other is how you should be when it comes to “what others say” about the person you love. You love someone, not for everyone else, but for yourself; you know why you love them, you know why they make you smile, you know everything about them, “people” just know your names. Don’t let them bother you.

1. Negative thoughts

Insecurities basically are negative thoughts. They can be personal, they can be about someone else, they can go anywhere if you let them. Steer clear of the negative thoughts and don’t let them give birth to a new insecurity in your life. Be a positive person, be someone people love being around and spending time with, project a positive aura around you. It takes one very small negative thought to give birth to a very big train of thought of negativity where you can easily get lost and never return. Be kind, be grateful, be generous and be positive!

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Wedding Tip Wednesday

Make It Yours

It's your Wedding day after all, don't forget that. Add personal touches that will remind you of that. From your wedding Stationery through to your decorations and souvenirs.

Speaking of Wedding Stationery, You all should check out @ebenezerruth on instagram, they make the most beautiful wedding stationery and they really know how to create a uniform design all through, from the invitation cards to the   Wedding Programmes to the table place cards to other little items that may seem insignificant until they bring it out. Well done guys! (You had better pay me, free advert) lol.

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Questions To Ask Your Vendors Before Hiring Them, part 1 (caterers)

1. CAN THE CATERER PROVIDE REFERENCES FROM PREVIOUS CLIENTS?

References can tell you what you may not find out just by talking to the caterer, including what it's like to work with this company or individual. Get at least two references who had a similar number of wedding guests and reception menu style.

2. Is the caterer working any other weddings or events on the same weekend or same day?

Sometimes, caterers will stack two or more events onto the same day or weekend. This doesn't have to be a deal breaker by any means, but you want to be sure if the caterer does have other events and if your wedding will get the staff and attention it deserves.

3. Does the caterer specialize in certain types of food, such as local, ethnic or continental dishes? Does the caterer work with fresh, not frozen, food?

If you have a particular type of cuisine in mind, use a caterer who specializes in it. Not only will they have all the right resources, the caterer will also know how to properly prepare the food, meaning better, tastier results. Let's face it -- asking a local chef to create country-French cooking probably isn't going to end well.

4. Does the catered meal come full service?

This just means that the caterer, in addition to food preparation, will handle everything from the table settings to bar service and cleanup. What's included depends on the catering company and the packages they offer. If it isn't full service, you'll have to find (and pay) additional staff.

5. What's the average price range, and does the caterer offer packages? How many appetizer and entrée choices come with the package? Are costs itemized depending on the foods you choose, or does the caterer offer an all-inclusive rate?

A good chunk of your budget will go to catering, so take some time to carefully weigh your options when choosing a caterer.

Packages can save you some serious money, especially if you plan on having a lengthy guest list. Some catering packages include appetizers, salad, entrée and dessert (or cake), plus bar services in some cases.

If your caterer does offer multiple packages, ask for sample menus to determine which one works best for you.

6. When does the caterer need finalized choices?

Your caterer needs to know your menu choices by a certain date, so they'll have all the ingredients ready to go for the day of your wedding.

7. When will the tasting take place? Does the caterer offer tastings before being hired?

Reading reviews of a wedding caterer is one thing, but you'll need to taste the food yourself to be sure. Definitely opt to do it beforehand if possible it will allow you to make an informed decision.

8. Will the caterer provide cutlery, plates, napkins, charger plates – and are they extra charges?

If a caterer doesn't outfit their events with these necessary items and you want them, you'll have to rent them yourself, which can quickly add up to your budget. Even if a caterer does have them, ask to see them to make sure they're up to par. Also ask if it comes at an additional charge.

9. Will the caterer provide waiters? How many are included in the package and what's the fee for additional waiters?

Top caterers say they always use their own servers, even if the you want to provide them. They know the ins and outs of how the company operates, so they're better able to provide seamless service. You'll want about 2 waiters for every six tables for a sit-down meal.

10. What will the caterer and their staff wear?

You want to make sure the catering staff dresses appropriately for the tone and style of your wedding – if you're planning a formal black-tie wedding, you might not want waiters in polo shirts.

11. Will the caterer provide drinks, or do you need to handle the it separately?

Why you want to know: Most catering companies supply the drinks, but supplying it yourself can save you money.

12. How do delivery, setup and breakdown work? What does the caterer do and is there an additional fee? How much time will the caterer need to set up? When will the caterer need access to the wedding site?

You need these details in order to coordinate with your wedding venue and determine a time when your caterer can start setting up. You also need to know how much time the caterer needs for clean-up, because some venues may have a restriction on how late staff can stay. Meaning you'll have to pay the wedding venue extra fee for the extra time.

13. Where will the caterer prepare the food? Are there on-site facilities, Bride's parents house? Or the wedding venue will have to provide facilities for them?

If the caterer has to bring in equipment, there may be an additional fee. So before you decide on a company, make sure you know what type of facilities your wedding venue has and the potential obstacles this could pose for the type of caterer.

14. Will the caterer set out the wedding place cards and menus we created?

If the caterer says no, you'll need to enlist the help of your wedding planner, a family member or friend to deal with these wedding details. No matter who is putting them out, give them instructions (and a photo) of how you want them displayed at the wedding reception.

15. Who will oversee the event on the wedding day? Will the same caterer you worked with when planning also oversee meal service on the day? What will happen if he's sick or otherwise unable to be there?

Ideally, the person you worked with from the catering company throughout the planning process (and who best understands your needs) will be your wedding day contact. If this person isn't available, they should have a suitable replacement in mind from the company (ask to meet with this person too).

16. Does the caterer have extra charges, such as a security deposit (caution fee)?

Any extra charges from the caterer are going to affect your bottom line, so it's best to know ahead of time to plan for it.

17. How does the caterer arrange the food on the buffet or plate? Can you see photos of previous presentations from the caterer?

Presentation is everything, and even the most delectable dish can seem unappetizing if poorly presented by the caterer. You've put a lot of time and effort into all of your other wedding details— the food shouldn't be any different.

I hope this helps when selecting your wedding catering vendor.

Olamide~ The Heiress

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5 things you do everyday that are unknowingly harming your relationship

Are you feeling a slump in your marriage? If you’re like most couples, your relationship with your spouse has its share of ups and downs. But if it feels like something has been off for a while, one of these five culprits could be to blame. If you can take control of these little things, you are bound to see an upswing in your marriage.

1. Going to bed at different times

Going to bed at different times may not seem like a big deal, but it can have a much bigger impact on your marriage than you think. According to psychologists, spouses who go to bed at different times report significantly less relationship satisfaction than those on the same schedule. They have more conflict, spend less time in shared activities and serious conversation, and have sex less frequently than couples with similar sleeping schedules. Syncing up might be difficult if one of you is a night owl while the other is an early bird. Making compromises that allow you to lie down together each night will be worth the overall benefit to your relationship.

2. Bringing office work home

Though it isn’t always possible, do your best to leave work at work. It’s an important part of maintaining the ideal marriage relationship. Not only does it take away from time with your spouse, it’s enough to cause a vicious stress cycle that will do anything but help your love life. Don’t check your work email and remember to change your clothes promptly when you get home and take a vacation once in a while to help recharge and reconnect with your spouse or family. After all, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

3. Avoiding eye contact

Between chores, children, and mobile devices, spouses have little time to look each other in the eyes and make a connection. Eye contact can be especially meaningful in today’s world of constant partial attention and it conveys a sentiment that the person you’re with matters. Taking that extra time when possible can really yield benefits with face-to-face interaction. Make it a priority to set aside time during the day to focus on each other away from all the distractions.

4. Allowing technology in the bedroom

If you find yourself turning to your cellphone, laptop or television more often than paying attention to your spouse in bed, it might be time to declare the bedroom off limits for technological devices. Take technology out of the bedroom and suddenly you have a lot more time for one another. A few seconds or a couple minutes everyday can make a world of difference.

5. Not taking time for yourself

When you invest a lot of your time into others, you need time to recharge yourself. It’s easy for parents to think they need to be on hand for every beck and call. If you think you can’t get away, think again. Taking care of yourself will make you a better parent and partner. You’ll be more fun to be around and more responsive to your family.

I believe everyone deserves a little luxury and some “me” time every now and again. Make your bedroom a safe haven with comfy sheets and treat yourself to some extra luxury. Make your bedroom the sanctuary you and your spouse need to reconnect and improve your marriage relationship.

Olamide~ The Heiress

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The Smaller The Better: Small And Intimate Weddings

I am always amazed by couples who contact me for small budget weddings and go ahead to say they are expecting 500 to 700 guests with a really small budget.

When planning a "small wedding" size really does matter. Start off by deciding whether you want a low buget small wedding or an extravagant low-key wedding with a few guests.

When planned right, know that a low-budget small wedding with a few guests can look really elegant and classy. And when it comes to weddings, smaller may actually be better.

There is more time for the bride and groom to spend with their guests, the group really gets to know one another, and everyone contributes to the event in his or her own way.

Intimate celebrations, it seems, have certain advantages. Here, we unveil the truth behind small celebrations.

Limit the Guest List

Do you find yourself agonizing over the guest list thinking, who is so and so? No mother's best friend's club will be attending your wedding. Read on how to trim your guest list here

Not wanting to deal with a sea of unfamiliar faces on such an emotional day, some couples decide to limit their lists agreeing that a smaller celebration can create a more joyful atmosphere:

Bonus: There are so many creative options for locations when one is not trying to accommodate hundreds of guests.

Now the hard part: You may be greeted by howls of protest from your families when you ask them to cut down portions of their lists to the lean-and-mean few who really matter. And, of course, you and your sweetheart must be prepared to do the same.

This may mean having to explain to friends who expected to be there why they will not receive an invitation. There is no easy way to do this, except to be perfectly honest. Tell your friends that you are keeping the event very small and limiting the list. But be prepared for the occasional hurt feelings and lingering bitterness.

Keep to a Smaller Budget

You might decide that a three-course meal for 200 guests is better than jollof rice and soft drinks for 500 guests. Some couples having over 400 guests have cut their guest lists to the bare minimum in order to maximize their budgets. It becomes a choice between cutting corners in order to have 150 guests or cutting the list in half and having everything just the way you envision the day. And yes, it is possible.

Treat Your Guests Well

A small wedding gives you the chance to really go all out. Perhaps guests can stay at a luxurious hotel or your reception party can be more elaborate and take place in a fancy restaurant with a wine-pairing for each course.

I know one wedding where all 150 guests were picked up by fancy cars and were delivered to the wedding ceremony. Afterward, guests were taken to a private room at a top-notch restaurant for an unforgettable reception.

Keeping things small means that the extra details, like providing limousine service, loaded gift baskets, and three-course feasts for your guests, are suddenly more accessible. Think boxes of chocolate instead of small chops, the best champagne rather than cheap wines, the list is endless really.

Pay Attention to the Details

Often when a pair is planning a small wedding they're inclined not to hire a wedding consultant.

The heiress warns: smaller is not synonymous with simpler. When the wedding is small, every detail is noticed, so careful attention to detail is called for.

There is no hiding behind the crowd at a small celebration -- little things that might have gone unnoticed with 500 people milling around but will be painfully obvious with 200 and under.

Make it Entertaining

This is perhaps the best part of having a smaller wedding: With fewer people on the scene, it's easy to get everyone into the act somehow.

Depending on how small the event will be, you can have the Emcee have them stand and encircle you as you exchange your vows, seat them at one big table at the wedding reception, or pass around a blank guest book and big box of colored pencils for all to share their favorite memories of the bride and groom.

Please and please make sure you hire a good, infact a great DJ or a band. A dull band or DJ can totally ruin a small wedding, there is nothing worse than your guests not being able to dance and shake it off after good food and wine.

I hope this helps with your decisions. All the best!

Olamide~ The Heiress

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Wedding Tip Wednesday

Gift List Tip

For couples who normally opt to have a gift list, make your wedding list as varied as possible. Don't worry about putting too many things on it. It is better to put a variety of prices and items on your list. This way, many of your guests won't go off-list and will be able to find their budget range.

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Beautiful Colour Combos for 2015 and 2016 brides

Picture Credit- Nigerian wedding blog

Let me start by saying that you can use any colour combo for your wedding. As long as you or your wedding planner use the right elements to actualize the effect you are trying to create, I think you will be just fine with whatever colour or colours you decide to use on your wedding day.

I have come to realize that choosing the right colour seems to be quite an uneasy task for a lot of brides. Sometimes, a bride can change her colours up to 6 times before eventually deciding on a colour. So I thought maybe if these brides knew what some colours meant, it would help them in making a decision faster. Hence my decision to add colour meanings to this article. 

I was surfing the internet and came across these colour combos for our brides-to-be! I added a few pictures so that you can picture of what your day could look like. I hope you find this useful as you prepare for your wedding!

BASIC COLOURS AND THEIR MEANINGS

Ran a quick search, and stumbled upon this list of great and workable color combos. Enjoy.

A-

AQUA BLUE AND BABY PINK-

AQUA BLUE AND WINE-

AQUA BLUE AND PEACH-

AQUA BLUE AND GOLD-

ARMY GREEN AND YELLOW-

ARMY GREEN AND MINT GREEN-

ARMY GREEN AND BABY PINK-

ARMY GREEN AND CREAM-

ARMY GREEN AND CHAMPAGNE GOLD

B-

BLACK AND WHITE-

BRONZE AND BUTTER-

BRONZE AND CHAMPAGNE GOLD-

BRONZE AND ORANGE-

BRONZE AND TORQUISE-

BRONZE AND SILVER-

BURGUNDY AND CHAMPAGNE GOLD-

BURGUNDY AND POWDER BLUE-

BURGUNDY AND CREAM-

BURGUNDY AND PEACH-

BURGUNDY AND GOLDEN BUTTER

C- 

COFFEE BROWN AND CARTON BROWN- 

COFFEE BROWN AND GOLD- 

COFEE BROWN AND PEACH- 

COFFEE BROWN AND CREAM- 

COFFEE BROWN AND PINK- 

COFFEE BROWN AND TORQUISE - 

COFEE BROWN AND MINT GREEN- 

COFFEE BROWN AND ORANGE- 

COFFEE BROWN AND POWDER BLUE- 

CHOCOLATE BROWN AND CARTON BROWN- CHOCOLATE BROWN AND GOLD- 

CHOCOLATE BROWN AND PEACH- 

CHOCOLATE BROWN AND CREAM- 

CHOCOLATE BROWN AND PINK- 

DEEP CARTON BROWN AND GREEN- 

CHOCOLATE BROWN AND POWDER BLUE

E- 

EARTH TAN AND BIEGE- 

EARTH TAN AND COFFEE BROWN

F- 

FUSCHIA PINK AND BABY PINK- 

FUSCHIA PINK AND WINE- 

FUSCHIA PINK AND PEACH- 

FUSCHIA PINK AND SKY BLUE- 

FUSCHIA PINK AND LILAC- 

FUSCHIA PINK AND MINT GREEN- 

FUSCHIA PINK AND GOLD

G- 

GOLD AND NAVY BLUE - 

GOLD AND ARMY GREEN- 

GOLD AND WINE - 

GOLD AND LILAC- 

GOLD AND BURGUNDY- 

GOLD AND SILVER- 

GOLD AND NIGERIAN GREEN

GOLD AND YELLOW

GOLD AND PURPLE

GOLD AND RED

GOLD AND CHOCOLATE BROWN

GOLD AND BLACK

GOLD AND FUSHIA PINK

L-

LEMON GREEN AND ARMY GREEN-

LILAC AND APPLE GREEN-

LILAC AND BURGUNDY -

LILAC AND LIGHT PINK-

LILAC AND PURPLE

M-

MINT GREEN AND PEACH-

MINT GREEN AND ARMY GREEN -

MINT GREEN AND CHAMPAGNE GOLD 

N-

NAVY BLUE AND SKY BLUE -

NAVY BLUE AND SEA GREEN

O-

ORANGE AND LEMON GREEN-

ORANGE AND IVORY-

ORANGE AND COFFEE BROWN-

ORANGE AND CHAMPAGNE GOLD-

OLIVE GREEN AND PEACH-

OLIVE GREEN AND WINE

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Wedding Tip Wednesday

Talk To Him/Her

Enjoy every second of your engagement because as soon as you mention "we are thinking about December or we are thinking about an outdoor wedding", everyone will have an opinion. Keep your mouth smiling and shut until you have had a proper thought and discussion with your spouse about what you both want.

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Why do some clients do this?

Hi there, happy Sunday to Y'all.

 I saw this on a mentor's social media's page and decided to share. I thought this only happens to me but after seeing this, I know now that event planners go through this. I have had my fair share of disappointments and believe me when i say that it's not always a funny one.

Please brides and brides to be, it is unfair to make last minute decisions without informing your wedding planner. It is wrong especially when it can affect the success of the wedding on the D-day. And even if you are going to make last minute decisions, please inform your wedding planner.

Always try to inform your planner ahead of time, they mean well and we all want to achieve the same thing, which is a successful event.

Olamide~ The Heiress

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The School Called Marriage: How to Graduate With Flying Colours

THE SCHOOL CALLED MARRIAGE

Marriage is the only school where u get the Certificate before you start. 

It's also a school where you will never graduate.

It's a school without a break or a free period.

It's a school where no one is allowed to drop out.

It's a school you will have to attend every day of your life.

It's a school where there is no sick leave or holidays.

It's a school founded by God:

Be reminded that you are just a student not the principal.

God is the only Principal.

Even in times of storms, don't be unwise and run outside.

Keep in mind that, this school is the safest place to be.

Never go to sleep before completing your assignments for the day.

Never forget the C-word...Communicate.

Communicate to your classmate and to the Principal.

If you find out something in your classmate (spouse) that you do not appreciate.

Remember your classmate is also just a student not a graduate.

God is not finished with him/her yet. So take it as a challenge and work on it together.

Do not forget to study the Holy Book (the main textbook of this school).

Start each day with a sacred assembly and end it the same way. 

Sometimes you will feel like not attending classes, yet you have to.

When tempted to quit find courage and continue.

Some tests and exams may be tough but remember the Principal knows how much you can bear and yet it's a school better than any other.

It's one of the best schools on earth; joy, peace and happiness accompany each lesson of the day.

Different subjects are offered in this school, yet love is the major subject.

After all the years of theorizing about it, now you have a chance to practice it.

To be loved is a good thing, but to love is the greatest privilege of them all.

Marriage is a place of love, so love your spouse. 

More grace from God. 

Olamide~ The Heiress

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